Assalammualaikum,
Harsh day. Okay everyday is harsh for me. Facing my drama life. It is so not over. My bad. Recently, I have been reading a blog. Owned by Maria Elena. I read a few post. What caught my attention on reading it finish. Is the moment. When she talked about people point of view. Yeah! It is true. Like Mufti Menk said "You can't never satisfy people. No matter how good or bad you are. Life!" I say. It is hard to understood life if we keep on thinking others rather than seeking for Allah. The Mighty Lord. I admit. It is hard for me to satisfy people. Pain. Sad. Sorrow. That is life.
Back to Maria Elena. A few post and videos inspired me. A bit. Thinking how she faced all the comments on her previous post. Saying she is so gediks! I think. It is funny. To be frank. She is annoying. Haha. Sorry Maria Elena if you read this. Haha. But I kinda like her. Because she is who she is. Look at her. Though she is rich and famous regarding on her hijab video and blogs. People despite her gediks-ness. Yet she still maintain who she is. Being Maria Elena herself. Besides. Most of the girls, nowadays, are dying to be like her. XOXO - her style of hijab and fashion. And of course. Being crazy and gediks in front of the camera.
Some can be like her. Some can't. Because she is who she is. Just be yourself. Enough. As long as Allah is accepting who you are. Because HE is the one who created you. To get inspiration. Not a problem. It is like a life motivation. But not all thing. For example. Yuks! Malaysian new band imitate a K-POP style. For me.
BIG EUUUWWWW! You skin color. Their skin color. Way too different. Stop being like them. It is so disgusting. Show off your chest. Haha. Don't you realize that you are freaking skinny. They are hot. Because they built up some packs, MAN! Get over it. Euuw!
This goes to general. Boys and girls. I even laugh my ass out loud. Seeing them showing off her style and dance. So Terabur! Haha. Sorry! See. People can't even satisfy what are you doing. Even myself complain what happen to our Malaysian singer. So, kelakar! Sorry. No offence. But it is not us. I mean Malaysian. Please. Too sexy.
What is next? Hmm. Okay. Watching Maria Elena's pre-wed videos. Where she and her husband went out for dating. And she was sulked when her husband was manja with her. I think back about the moment. No matter who you are. Whether you are stated as a challenge person. Somebody out there will accept who you are. Because they see you on the inside. Instead of your appearance. People won't accept you if you just being fake. Well some phsyco is different. They want you to be their Mr. or Mrs. dream partner. So, they decided to change you like whom they want you to be. And end up fighting. When they fight. They keep on blaming each other. Too bad. That is so sad. Being different. Is unique and special. I say you.
It has been explained since we were born. Allah won't simply created a person same like the rest. HE helps us living our life. Not obeying people needs. But HIS. Some were born special. They have their way to seek for Allah. Some were born gifted. They have their way to seek for Allah. Don't you get it? I have my hard way to be myself back. Because I have been keep on obeying people needs for so long. And yesterday was pain. When one of my friend admitted that she was pissed off with me and said
Where was the old Atiyah? The one who always independence. Strong and funny? I realize that. I make myself being what somebody wants me to be. Not being who I really am. And I am being control. I'm the puppet and he is puppeteer.
I shouldn't have blame firdaus. It was my fault anyway. Trying to be like his girlfriends who is cantik, lawa, sweet when bertudng and shawl, memahami and all bull-shit (good shit) for me to be. And I admit. I am stuck. Finally I sees myself. Trying hard to be not who I am. Who used not to be so jealousy. Has turn me on. Now he and his family can't accept who I am. I screw things up. Thought of being like his girlfriends yang ayu and lawa and semua girls things. Isn't working for me.
What I like most. Get back on my extreme life. Daki gunung. Paragliding. Rafting. All crazy stuff. I love outdoor activities. Maybe I seek something like
mertua's ciri-ciri. Isn't working for me. But that doesn't stop me for being girlish. Why? Well, apparently I started to cook. Can you believe that? Miracle! Alhamdulillah. Wearing heels. That is all I want. Not being force to. I sit and think about what is wrong with me. I think. I think too much of being somebody that I'm not capable of. But I can be lawa. Well, on my own way. Take it or shove it up your ass by leave it!
Education? I'm a slow learner. But that doesn't stop me for being an engineer. goal is to be Project Manager. Firdaus really don't want me to be a supervisor. Visiting site and doing guys work. He said that it is not good for women to do all that works. He sort of wanted me to be office-person. Sorry! I don't like to sit and do nothing. I'm anactive girl. I love to challenge my mind and physical system. Haha. What a sentence. Oh My English! Whatever. That is me. So far, I'm enjoying my job. Travel and supervise work at site. And finding solution for site matters. Angkat simen (as if). And whatever work that site is doing.
Never satisfy! Yeah. Probably because they jealous of your works. Might be. Well, I'm not a god to know everything. I just assume. If I'm wrong. Don't mind to correct me. Well, correct me? Haha. One of the problem where I'm sure I hate it when people correct me in a wrong way. Mocking me. Call me stupid. Well, don't mad at me if I screw you.Disrespect you. I'm just being myself. Defends my prerogative. Okay enough with that. Might someone read it and say this is bull-shit. Haha.
Okay people can never satisfy. You being too fat. Too skinny bitch. Urgh! Talk about skinny bitch. Nah! forget about that bitch. You are ugly. Go kill yourself. Shit, is that it? So not mercy. So not civilize. What I'm about to say that. When we are comfortable in our own shape. People said "go diet!" "go exercise!" Yish! Face it. Your body isn't that hot for you to direct other girls. Stop it! You are too jealous! Haha.
Boyfriend / Girlfriend? Okay. I'm in love with this guy. Apparently. I was too childish. Bak kata dia. I'm being so immature. He even called me crazy woman. Well, which woman in this earth wants their partner to be taken. No one. I kept fighting for my rights. And lastly. I was humiliated. I wasn't ashamed. Who gives a shit you mock me. They just don't know who I am. But when I think about it. No matter how tough we fight. No matter how strong we are. If Allah says No. Never ever disobey HIS will. The more we disobey. The more HE punish us. All HE wants is us to believe in HIM more instead to a man you baru couple. Yang belum tentu wants to marry you although promises is just a promises. ALLAH IS THERE FOR YOU. Seek for HIS help. Not others. No one can guide you. Unless you guide yourself and always seek for his guidance. HE won't disappoint us. Though we do. But HE still loves us, don't you agree on that? That is why HE lend us a human, called FATHER! Though HE is not down here for HIM to lead us. But HE lends us a father for them to guide and lead us to syurga. Amin.. I shouldn't blame this Firdaus. But it is okay. May Allah bless his live. Amin.. =)
Okay. The conclusion is. People are busy seeking 2013 resolution. Why don't we busy seeking for Allah? Isn't that suppose to be good. 2013 resolution :
- Tudung labuh.
- Berudung. Panjangkan lengan baju. From short to quarter short to long.
- Filling life with penuhkan solat 5 waktu.
- Pandai masak.
- Stop crying for the one who about to dump you? (kiki)
- Solat subuh tak lepas.
- Start to work hard for avoiding maksiat a.k.a KAHWIN!!
- Perbetulkan bacaan al-quran (wah!)
- Work hard to go Haji or Umrah.
And something good that is vary really good. I'm just saying. Who knows. But if we keep it to ourselves then. For only Allah knows. Alhamdulillah. Sorry what I wrote my offence you people. May we live in peace.
Happy New Book Leads To Syurga, people!! Amin..
p/s -
Happy Marriage, Maria Elena and husband (though it has been like 2 months now. Baru nak wish! hehe). May Allah bless your marriage and families forever. Amin.. And sorry using your name for this blog. Hehe.
Wassalam...